"I want to choose what leads to the deepening of Gods life in me." I wrote this down in my journal during JVI Orientation a few weeks ago. Those two weeks in Cleveland were exactly what I needed in order to stay strong during this waiting period. I found out I was going to Africa in April and I still have three more months to go before I actually get there. Graduating from college, saying goodbye to friends and family, and moving back home all brought their own bittersweet extras. I know that I am ready for this next step in my life, it has been waiting to happen for a very long time.
I have so much that I want to say, and I have never blogged before so I don't really know how this is all going to work out. I apologize if I end up writing too much, but there is so much to say about all my experiences! I spent two weeks in Cleveland at the JVI Orientation, met all of the other volunteers in my class and now we are literally all over the world. The volunteers going to Micronesia, Marshall Islands, and Belize left for their countries right after Orientation and Tanzania, Nepal, Peru, and Nicaragua are waiting until at least November to go to our countries. I leave December 1st or 2nd for Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania and I cannot be more excited!
Part of my preparation has been stocking up on music to put on my ipod. So call me a dork, whatever, but many of my purchases have been Christian CDs. I wanted to bring a lot of this kind of music because music has been my main form of prayer and the best way I can connect with God, music is essential to my life. Anyways, one of the songs on the CD had EMILY written alllllll over it. So here are the lyrics:
I want to set the world on fire
Until it`s burning bright for You
It`s everything that I desire
Can I be the one You use?
I, I am small but
You, You are big enough
I, I am weak but
You, You are strong enough to
Take my dreams
Come and give them wings
Lord with You
There`s nothing I can not do
Nothing I cannot do
I wanna feed the hungry children
And reach across the farthest land
And tell the broken there is healing
And mercy in the Father`s hands
My hands my feet
My everything
My life, my love
Lord, use me
I wanna set the world on fire
I wanna set the world on fire, yeah
I`m gonna set the world on fire
Set the world on fire
-Britt Nicole "Set the World on Fire"
This song is my heart. I want to set the world on fire, I want to give my love to everyone I meet, I want to use all of the gifts and talents that God has given me and use them to the best of my ability to pour myself out to the people I will meet. This is what I have wanted to do ever since I went to Jamaica that first time. I know I have said it so many times that it has probably become boring to hear, but that experience really changed my life. Without Jamaica who knows where I would be right now, I would probably not be moving halfway across the world and giving my life for two years to do service. I know that I am incredibly passionate about this, this is exactly where I am supposed to be in my life. I realized that at Orientation. I had an "ah-hah" moment when I became really comfortable and reassured that this is exactly, no doubt about it, 100% where I am supposed to be right now. I cannot imagine myself doing anything differently. Orientation gave more life to that flame in my heart, the passion and desire to do service and work with the poor. Being with people who understand why we are doing this, who want to work for justice and peace, and who are giving up and receiving the same things as I am, was amazing. It is very easy to get wrapped up in the whole material preparations, how much sunscreen do I need, is this skirt long enough, I need to pack for two years, etc. Remembering the real reasons and the most important parts about preparation can be difficult. The whole two weeks of Orientation we talked about social justice, spirituality, community, and simple living and it brought me back down and reminded me what sparked my desire to do this in the first place.
I look at this experience not just as my desire to do service internationally, but it is so much more. This is my vocation, it is my calling. All of last year when I was discerning a year or two of service and applying for different programs (God bless you all who had to deal with me during that time), I kept on saying that I am ready to take the next step. As a Theology and Social Work major I had studying social justice and my faith for the past four years. I knew a lot about these things and knew how they manifested themselves in my life. My faith has always been important to me and I consider myself a strong woman of faith, but I knew that I needed to move on and take the next step. I didn't really have a choice because graduation was coming whether I liked it or not and I had to leave CUA. I looked at service as that next step. It was something that I felt drawn to, it was something I was passionate about and was something that I knew I had to do because if I didn't I knew I would regret it. This was the obvious next step for me. I make it seem like this was all seamless and just fell into place, haha yeah right. But we will leave all those details for another time.
I think this blog is long enough, there will be plenty more to come because I have so much that I want to tell everybody that has supported me and continue to support me. Please keep all of the volunteers and the people they meet in your prayers, without prayers our work would be so much more difficult. It is only through the grace of God that we are able to give ourselves completely for these next two years and live the Gospel.
I want to choose what leads to the deepening of God's life in me. I have already experienced this a little, I have felt God in my life in a different way than ever before. What person in their right mind would chose to leave family and friends behind and go live among the poor without hot water, without stable electricity, without knowing the language, the customs, the people? I cannot do this on my own, this has not been simply a decision that I made on a whim, but something that has been forming in my heart for a very long time. This experience is leading me to surrender myself even more to God's will, to trust Him completely that He will take care of me and give me the graces I need to work through the hard times, to recognize the joyous times, and to find things out for myself. My answering this call feels so right, it is God working in my life, working in me, small and broken that I am, to live as an example for others and to work for justice. I have no choice in this calling but to let God in more, no person can do this on their own. This is why your prayers and support means more to me than anything.
I found a book of African prayers, so I want to finish this post with one (it says Various African Blessing):
"May God do with you! Go Nicely: may your path be swept of danger. God go with you, and may you escape from the mishaps ahead! May you go with God! Let God bear you in peace like a young shoot! May you meet with the Kindly Disposed One! May God take care of you! May God walk you well! May you pass the night with God! May God be with you who remain behind! May you stay with God!"
Sunday, August 17, 2008
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